Peacock
by TardisBluePen
Summary: CRACK. Don't flame me please, this is not to be taken seriously. Eames owns a peacock shirt. Insanity ensues. Read with caution.


Total crack. No joke. Read ONLY if you have a strong stomach. This was used to cure my writer's block. You've been warned.

Thank you to my WONDERFUL friend Robyn who gave me her *reluctant* blessing to write this, it would have felt wrong to write this otherwise. She and I came up with the idea of Eames' "spirit animal" being a peacock, and Eames having a peacock print shirt in his wardrobe. ^_^

**Disclaimer**: I own neither Inception or the song, Peacock.

* * *

Eames was wearing his favorite shirt today - it was a good fit, not super tight but not too flow-y. It was completely covered with a design of peacock feathers, colorful and ostentatious. He strolled down the empty street, feeling very lucky.

"_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock_

_You peacock, cock, cock, your peacock_

_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock _

_Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock"_

He didn't know where this sudden burst of song had come from, but he knew he wanted it to continue. Suddenly, Ariadne had popped out from behind a building, sauntering towards him and singing, with a very smug look on her face.

"_Word on the street, you got somethin' to show me, ee_

_Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery, ee_

_I'm intrigued, for a peek, heard it's fascinating_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_What you're hiding underneath"_

And then Arthur was there, moving closer to him energetically. He was singing too, and his eyes contained a very hungry look.

"_Words up your sleeve, such a tease_

_Wanna see the show_

_In 3D, a movie, heard it's beautiful_

_Be the judge_

_And my girls gonna take a vote"_

At this, he took Ariadne's hand and twirled her around, before turning his face back at Eames to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively.

"_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

Cobb came in suddenly, breaking through their outstretched hand.

"_I want the jaw droppin', eye poppin', head turnin', body shockin'"_

Arthur and Ariadne joined in,

"_(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)_

_I want my heart throbbin', ground shakin', show stoppin', amazin'_

_(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)"_

The three gathered around him, their hands were curling around his arms and running down his chest. Ariadne was singing, her face was very close to his.

"_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_

_Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a bee-otch_

_I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

She moved behind him, wrapping her hands around his waist and wiggling her hips. Arthur was now in front, fisting his hands in the folds of Eames' shirt and pulling him close.

"_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_

_What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off_

_Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

His hands began to move downward...Eames took in a harsh breath, but then, they were moving away.

"_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock_

_You peacock, cock, cock, your peacock_

_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock _

_Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock"_

They were dancing around, but Eames noticed that they never took their eyes off him. Cobb brought his finger up, curling it towards him, begging Eames to come closer. When he did, Cobb grabbed his hand and led him to walking down the sidewalk like it was a catwalk.

"_Skip the talk, heard it all, time to walk the walk_

_Brake me off, if you bad, show me who's the boss_

_Need some goose, to get loose, come on take a shot_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

Arthur was stripping off his jacket, and he tossed it away.

"_I want the jaw droppin', eye poppin', head turnin', body shockin'"_

_(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)_

_I want my heart throbbin', ground shakin', show stoppin', amazin'_

_(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)_

_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?"_

He winked.

"_Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a bee-otch_

_I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

Cobb was crawling on the ground towards him.

"_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_

_What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off_

_Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

He licked his lips seductively, and the music continued.

"_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock_

_You peacock, cock, cock, your peacock_

_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock _

_Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock"_

Once he was reached, Cobb began to undo the buttons on the peacock shirt. After getting halfway through, a good amount of Eames' chest was showing and the shirt flowed around him in a soft breeze. Cobb's eyes were wide.

"_Oh my god no exaggeration_

_Boy, all this time was worth the waiting_

_I just shed a tear_

_I'm so unprepared"_

Ariadne moved forward, running one finger down his chest slowly. She leaned up to whisper in his ear,

"_You got the finest architecture_

_End of the rainbow looking treasure_

_Such a sight to see_

_And this is all for me"_

Eames looked up to see Arthur standing barely 10 feet away, his eyes were clouding over, and there was an unmistakable bulge in his pants.

"_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_

_Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a bee-otch_

_I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off_

_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

All three of them were crowded around him again, tugging at his clothes, he could feel their frantic breaths all over his body.

"_Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?_

_What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off_

_Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful_

_Come on baby, let me see"_

Arthur moved his hands to the waistline of Eames' pants.

"_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock, cock_

_I wanna see ya_

_Your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock"_

They had all become a whirl of color now, spinning and dancing around Eames. Eames was rather enjoying himself.

_"I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock, cock_

_Your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock_

_I wanna see ya"_

Ariadne's hands curled around his neck.

"_Come on baby, let me see_

_Whatchu hidin' underneath"_

Their faces were inches from his, but-

"EAMES!"

He turned around to see the real Arthur, Ariadne, and Cobb standing there. The projections had stopped moving, and the real things were looking rather disgusted-or, in Ariadne's case, sick to her stomach.

"What the HELL is this?" Arthur practically yelled at him, he was turning extremely red.

"Are you really so bothered, darling?" Eames shot him a cocky grin, covering his embarrassment well. "What are you guys doing in here anyway?"

"Well, normally I wouldn't bother invading your dreams...but with such an excited, smarmy grin on your face, I was afraid of what you could possibly have going on in here-"

"And so you just barged in?" He cut Arthur off. "Really darling, haven't you ever heard of the expression, 'curiosity killed the cat'?"

"Alright guys, that's enough." Cobb said as he patted Ariadne on the back. "But really Eames, this is downright disturbing, and I didn't think you could get any more gay-"

"Eames is gay?" Ariadne asked, startled and obviously new to this information.

"Not entirely, darling." Eames sent her a wink. Ariadne willed herself not to throw up in her mouth.

"Right, well we'll be going now." Cobb put an arm around the architect and grabbed Arthur, who looked like he was about to explode.

"Next time you're gonna do this, Eames," Cobb said, though he hoped it would never happen again, "why don't you leave us a warning?"

"Will do."

* * *

I just had to give Ariadne the "architecture" line. She would know, wouldn't she? ;) and the "tease" line wouldn't seem right with anyone other than Arthur. xD

Yeah, Eames is bi. I thought it worked pretty well. Lol. He's so egotistical, dreaming about everyone being all over him. And loving it. x]

I didn't even read through this twice. But I didn't see the need, it's really nothing great. So I might delete this later. Unless you guys REALLY like it. SO, let me know by review please! If you don't like it, don't review! (unless you really want to tell me how ridiculous and terrible this is) :D If you do like it...well, glad to know I'm not the only one. Flames are unnecessary.

~ByTheBeautifulSea


End file.
